Sick kids suck

 Been fighting with a virus the last 6 days with both of my girls. This sucks. Finding time to do anything is impossible when you are always fighting with colds. I can't even get any sleep, because every hour one of them are waking up. Erg.

Anonymity

 As it stands, this is likely just going to be read by myself, for my own accountability or something -- I don't want to make this public because I don't want to be judged. I mock my husband a fair but about caring a lot about what people think of him, and I talk a big game about not caring what other people think of me, but it's a fabulous crock of shit when it all boils down, because I absolutely hate people judging me. I shouldn't care what people think of me, buuuut we all know how that goes. I'm insecure and self-conscious to an extreme amount. It doesn't help that I just stand out. I think that's my biggest annoyance - I'm always noticed. Thanks for that, dad. Had to pass on your build. 

Right, the judged part. Rambling. Either way, I may eventually link this up to my public profiles or something, but for now I like the solace of knowing this isn't going to go anywhere.

Except to bed. 

More testing

 

 

Testing the drag and drop capabilities of blogsy. Also wanted to hear this song. <3

The list

• Nutritional yeast
  
• Lentils
• Beans - lots
• Peanut butter
• Boca burgers
• Tofu
• Broccoli
• Sweet potatoes
• Red potatoes
• Apples
• Bananas
• Croutons
• Lettuce
• Noodles
• Split peas
• Marinades
• Oatmeal
• Pie shells for quiche
• Cheese
• Bagels
• Veggie stock
• Carrots
• Dressing
• Nuts
• Bread
• Mushrooms
• Boboli crusts
• Pizza sauce
• Asparagus
• Brussels sprouts
• Bananas

I think this is a good start, though I may make some substitutions once I get to the store and check out prices. I have some leftover frozen ham and hocks in the freezer from Christmas, and I'm going to make a super big pot of split pea soup out of it tomorrow, and I have a package of chicken in the freezer to use up also. After those are gone, I won't be replacing any animal protein in the house except for foods that my 5 year old eats - sandwich stuff for lunch, and brekkie sausage mainly, since she isn't a big fan of meat, either. 

So this is it

 I've been putting this off for a long time. A very long time. I need to lose weight. A substantial amount of weight, actually. A humans worth of weight. I am as big as two people. After gaining 123 pounds with my first daughter, aand 86 with my second, I'm weighing in at 6', and 330 pounds, I have literally an entire human worth of weight to lose. Holy shit. I didn't used to always be heavy, but pregnancy, PCOS, and laziness have kicked my ass.

Starting the day after tomorrow, all forms of legged-animal protein is off my diet. I say legged, because I'm going to still consume fish, but in small quantities. It's everything else that I'm going to cut out - although, I don't eat a large amount of meat as it is. However, when I do, it's in fairly large amounts. I'm going to be replacing my protein with veggies. This isn't new to me, however it's never been long term. This time, it's going to be long term. 

I was approved for gastric bypass, once I have weight stability. This means for at least 2 months I need weight loss, or no movement. Not gain. Thus, where the vegetarianism comes in. Fruited. Veggies. Whole grains. Limited dairy. Some eggs. That's about it.

Being this heavy is embarrassing. I'm fortunate enough to be tall like an ogre, but that still doesn't change anything. I'm only a size 16, because in fairness, a lot of my weight is muscle - but again, those are all still just excuses. So I'm done with them. I'm going back to being a vegetarian, and hitting up the YMCA, and am going to get stable so I can get bypass. I wouldn't be just jumping to bypass, except that I've already been doing just about everything under the sun to lose this weight, but I can't. This crazy diet is just to keep me stable. 

Onwards shopping list.

testing.

yep.